November 10, 1980 Kalamata, Greece

Trauma Activation Warning: sexual violence

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The gang rape I and my friend experienced in Kalamata, was not a repressed memory... it happened during a blackout. I can see the start of it, in the water... and then, after... later being in a room where we were staying... feeling lots of confusion and anger from our fellow travelers. But they were not angry at our rapists, they were angry at us.

This is a big deal for me today... to discover the date and the location that I had recorded in my little calendar notebook in 1980. The date was Monday, November 10. Today is Monday November 8, 2021. I had a deep pain in my womb earlier today. The body and visual memory was released into consciousness, and I was led to the little calendar that I had not read in years and years. The blackout had been repressed, so to speak. How does one explain this? You were not there, I was. I was raped, there are so many in my youth... how do I share this with people who understand? I am not really asking the question.

To wake up in the morning remembering that rape... then finding that it was precisely 41 years ago to the date. Will anyone ever know me, in this life? I have great doubts. I am known above.